Jewish Parenting Guide: Time Management

If your household is in anyway typical, then you join the ranks of other parents who often feel harried and overwhelmed by everything they are required to do and expected to be. Moreover, if you are like many Frum women of today, you may have entered the workforce, leaving you with even less time to take care of your family and challenged with balancing career with motherhood.

If the any of the following sound familiar to you, know that you are not alone:

· A too-long to-do list

· A never-ending shopping list

· Every time you clean the house, the kids (or your spouse!) mess it up

· The kids are fighting again

· Shabbos is coming, the house isn’t ready, and you have little children getting underfoot

· Yom Tov food is expensive and you lack the available funds

• Menu planning for your Shabbos guests is stressing you out (not to mention preparing for the Yom Tovim and the big-whopper, the Seder!) even before you get to the actual meal preparation and presentation
• You try to handle sibling altercations and misdemeanors calmly and lovingly, but at some point your patience runs out
• The kids are fighting; your spouse steps in, but his raised voice does little to help the situation
• School day mornings are a perpetual and stressful race against clock, with your sleepyheads, slowpokes, and dawdlers falling behind schedule when they should all be out the door
• Your teenagers are acting out and rejecting any efforts at connecting with them
• You feel alone and that there are no solutions to your parenting problems
• You are frustrated that your household management efforts seem fruitless
• There is always too much to do in too little time…

The list goes on and on… The fact of the matter is that like all parents, Jewish homemakers need excellent organizational skills to get through a day and to manage their households efficiently and smoothly throughout the year. Yet life is never smooth-sailing and definitely not predictable, especially with kids.

The good news is that while you can never completely avoid chaos, you can learn how to use your time more wisely and how to maximize the time you have – with your kids, your spouse, and yourself.

Time Management Strategies for Jewish Parents

To help you on your road to Frum parenting success, here are some expert household and time management tips, as well as some good pointers on better organization, problem solving, and budgeting:

• Organize Your To-Do List: A scattered to-do list may contribute to your feeling of being a scatterbrain, so take time to organize your tasks of the day. You can arrange a to-do list in order of priority, in order of difficulty (getting the hard stuff out of the way early on takes the pressure off for the rest of the day, leaving you free to tackle easier, more enjoyable tasks), or by hour. Another strategy is to divide your to-do list into items requiring immediate attention, items you can take care of anytime throughout the week, and ongoing/long-term projects.

· Plan Ahead: You will feel calmer and be more efficient by planning ahead. For example, prepare the kids’ lunches the night before, cook and freeze meals on the weekend, set the table as you unload the dishwasher, fill out forms for the kids at one time, combine your trip to the grocery store and library with your carpooling schedule, say Tehilim while you’re sitting in the waiting room, and more.

· Use Paper Plates: If you’re running late or having a simple meal, save time and effort by using paper plates and plastic utensils. Of course, when it comes to Shabbos and fancier meals, pull out the good dishes.

• Make Your Shopping List as You Menu Plan: A great way to avoid multiple trips to the grocery store and running out of ingredients is to make your shopping list as you plan your weekly menu.
• Establish a Regular Erev Shabbos/Erev Chag Routine: Instead of reinventing the wheel each week, create a standard Erev Shabbos and Erev Yom Tov to-do list and routine, which will ensure that you remember the essentials and don’t end up panicking at the last minute.
• Delegate Tasks to Your Children: There are many small but time-consuming tasks that your children can do on their own with a little bit of guidance and instruction, freeing up valuable time for yourself and helping them develop a sense of responsibility and feelings of self-confidence at the same time. From learning to tie their own shoelaces to setting the table to making their beds and sandwiches and even taking the bus when they’re old enough, delegating tasks to your kids is a winning time-management technique.
• Schedule Quality Time with Your Kids: The Torah recognizes the special bond between mothers and their children and places great value on the role of the Jewish mother. The Torah further specifies specific life lessons a Jewish father is required to impart unto his children. So amidst all the hustle and bustle, don’t forget to take time out of the daily grind to spend quality time with your kids, even if it means scheduling in that precious time. Moreover, don’t forget the value of having fun with your children – at the end of the day, it will make you both feel better!
• Don’t Be a Jewish Superwoman (or Superman): Dedicated parents often fall into the trap of taking on too much or feeling like they have to do it all alone. Don’t fall into the trap of being a super-parent. Delegating tasks to your spouse may help them feel more useful and supportive, while taking family members up on their offers of help is a great way of better managing your time. You can also enlist the service of your network of friends on extra-busy days by setting up play dates, sleepovers, and carpools, offering to return the favor another day.
• Examine How You Spend Your Time: According to the experts, almost everyone can cut one or more hours from their daily schedule by examining how they spend their time and by putting on hold or eliminating certain tasks.

· Pick and Choose Your Battles: When it comes to managing your kids – and your spouse – pick and choose your battles by differentiating between what really gets under your skin and what you can live with (i.e. someone routinely walking over your freshly-washed floors versus making the bed just right).

· Refrigerator Post-Its: Whether it’s a dentist appointment, list of emergency phone numbers, date night with your spouse, PTA meeting, gymnastics/hockey practice, or your grocery list, post-it on your refrigerator, hang a wall calendar in the kitchen, or set up an erasable white board for all to see that keeps track of your family’s schedules.

· Use the Internet: One of the beauties of the Web is that it can be a great time saver if you know how to take advantage of it. To use your time more efficiently, use the Internet to pay bills, do your banking online, shop online or research items before you hit the stores, avoid traffic by checking online traffic reports, and much more.

· Be Storage Smart: You can be better organized by remembering “that birds of a feather flock together” and by storing similar items in one place, i.e. winter clothes, summer clothes, family raingear, sports uniforms, toys, books, videos, shoes, linen, and more.

· Learn to Say “No”: Polish up your assertiveness skills by learning to say “no” when you’re asked for commitments that do not fit your priorities. You can still contribute, volunteer, get involved, and extend your time and efforts for others when it works for you and your family, but saying “yes” at your own expense will only stress you out and derail your time management strategies.

• Take Advantage of Books, Shiurim, Courses, and the Pros: Not everyone has great organizational skills and that’s OK! We are not all equally gifted, so don’t hesitate to consult with the professionals and to take advantage of the myriad of books, Torah commentaries, shiurim, articles, and other teachers to learn important tips, skills, and strategies on how to be a better parent, what to model for your children, how to better communicate, how to discipline, how to run your household, how to manage your time, how to balance your budget, how to prepare easy recipes, and much more.

Parenting Success

According to our Sages and studies published by the American Psychological Association, improved parenting competencies lead to:

• Enhanced relationships between parents and children
• Better marital communication
• More even division of household labor
• Improved anger-management, time-management, and organizational skills
• Happier, healthier, and more functional families

Being organized and learning how to manage your time will help you stay cool, calm, collected, centered, upbeat, and positive, which is a wonderful model for your entire household (and good for own mental health!). Once you have developed strategies to manage your personal stress – through exercise, diet, prayer, downtime, and therapy as needed – you will have more energy to invest in your kids, your spouse, and yourself, and making your household a true place of simcha and nachat.

The post Time Management Skills for Jewish Parents appeared first on Frum Care.

Finding a babysitter that you trust can be challenging, especially when it comes to entrusting your youngsters to a new sitter or to the care of a stranger. The challenge may be even greater in a Frum household, where you want to ensure that your babysitter serves as good role model for your children, that they are observant or at least familiar with Jewish tradition, and where the number of children and the age range may supersede that of an ‘average’ household.

The good news is that there are many expert tips on how to keep your children safe-and-sound while you are out and on how to find and prepare for a new sitter. To find great childcare for your kinderlech, follow these guidelines.

Ten Top Babysitter Tips for Your Jewish Home

Babysitter Tip #1: To feel confident in selecting a babysitter, ask for recommendations from family members, friends, or members of your shul or Jewish community. You can also go to reputable sites such as FrumCare.com where you can see the babysitter’s profile, check references, and read firsthand testimonials from families who have used the sitter before. The more often a babysitter’s services have been used or requested in the past, the more likely they are a worthy candidate.

Babysitter Tip #2: Safety comes first when it comes to your children, so be sure to do a complete background check, call references, and trust your gut instincts. Verify as well if babysitter candidates have First Aid/CPR/Child Safety Training, if they know how to care for an infant, and if they seem confident to know what to do in an emergency.

Babysitter Tip #3: When prepping a new babysitter, leave yourself ample time to provide them with all the information they will need while you are out. This includes:

• Showing them around the house/apartment
• Introducing them to your kids
• Providing them with contact information
• Providing them with emergency phone numbers

· Reviewing safety precautions

· Showing them the first aid kit/fire extinguisher

· Medication instructions (including inhalers, allergy medicines, aspirin/Tylenol, and prescription medications)

• Informing them of food allergies, foods your children will/will not eat, and foods your children should/should not eat
• Touring the kitchen, pointing out where your milechik and fleishich utensils are, which sinks are designated for meat and dairy, and where they can find snacks for themselves

· Reviewing bedtimes, pre-sleep/naptime rituals, and favorite toys

· Specifying babysitting duties (cooking dinner, helping with homework, giving baths, reminding them to daven or say Kriyas Shema, etc.)

Babysitter Tip #4: Review household rules for both the sitter and your children. Let your babysitter know if friends are allowed, if they can smoke, talk on the phone, use your computer, go on the Internet, take your kids outside, let the kids play in the backyard, let your children watch TV, drive your children somewhere, seat belt/car seat protocols, and areas of the house that are off limits.

Babysitter Tip #5: Make sure your babysitter knows where you will be, how to contact you, and when you expect to return.

Babysitter Tip #6: Encourage your babysitter to call if they have questions or any concerns at all.

Babysitter Tip #7: Look for these key qualities of a good babysitter:

• Reliable
• Responsible
• Prompt
• Attentive and caring towards your children
• Play and interact with the children
• Children warm up to the sitter
• Trustworthy in an emergency
• Able to creatively problem solve
• Able to enforce your parental rules
• Sensitive to your household’s level of Jewish observance
• Respectful of family privacy, personal issues, and religious traditions

Babysitter Tip #8: One of the best ways to determine if a babysitter is a good match is to gauge your children’s reactions. If your kids cry at the mention of being left with the same sitter again, if they appear anxious, withdrawn or unhappy about their caregiver, it’s probably time to look for a new babysitter. On the other hand, if your kids appear happy, comfortable, and request the same babysitter again, it’s time to nurture that relationship and consider making it a long-term position.

Babysitter Tip #9: Beware of babysitter red flags!

• Babysitter is secretive, unforthcoming, or uncommunicative
• Babysitter does not follow your instructions, rules, or requests
• Children are left unattended

· Children are afraid of the babysitter

· Too many avoidable accidents

· Babysitter is critical of your children or parenting style

· Babysitter sitter does not show up or frequently shows up late

· Babysitter lies or steals

Babysitter Tip #10: Sadly, abusive conduct by a babysitter is a reality which parents must watch out for, even if the babysitter is Orthodox, well-known in your shul or community, or has a good reputation. Stay alert for any out-of-the-ordinary bruises, bumps, or marks on your children after they have been left under the care of a babysitter and encourage your children to be forthcoming with you about anything that makes them uncomfortable. Any signs of neglect or abuse should result in immediate termination and possible reporting to the proper authorities.

Shabbos Babysitter

While many Frum women never make it to shul on Shabbos or Yom Tov while they tend to their youngsters at home or in the park, consider looking for a Shabbos babysitter when the kids get a little older. In fact, taking time to daven, say Tehillim, and strengthen your relationship with Hashem is a wonderful way to recharge your batteries and go back to your kids refreshed, upbeat, and more relaxed. Another popular strategy is to swap babysitting duties with your spouse by respectively attending an earlier/later minyan or shiur.

Similarly, stay alert for any upcoming parenting or Torah lectures you are interested in attending so that you can book a babysitter in advance.

By following these expert guidelines, you can rest easy knowing your children are in safe hands when you leave them in your sitter’s care.

The post Finding and Preparing for a New Babysitter appeared first on Frum Care.

Whether you are looking for the perfect nanny, housekeeper, childcare or elderly care, the task of finding the right worker for your family can be daunting – especially if you are Frum. Not only is nothing more important than keeping your loved ones safe, but you are likely searching for an employee who is connected to Yiddishkeit, who is familiar with the laws of Kashrut, and who can uphold your Jewish values of home and family.

To help ease your burden and your mind, here are some expert tips on how to safely hire in-home help.

Ten Rules of Thumb for Hiring Caregivers

Once you have determined your needs, the type of care you are looking for, and the level of Jewish observance your household requires, follow these basic rules of thumb on hiring help at home:

1. Credentials and Licensing: Request a resume which lists relevant prior experience and check that your candidate has the proper credentials, such as nursing training, up-to-date First Aid and CPR certification, and any required legal licenses.
2. Background Checks: Even with impressive credentials and a good reputation in your community, background checks are paramount when bringing a stranger into your home. Run a check through law enforcement (you will need personal information such as birth date and social security number, as well as the caregiver’s permission), Google their name on the Internet and check out their Facebook page/social media accounts to learn more about them.
3. Immigration Status: No matter how impressed you are, avoid legal trouble by inquiring about the caregiver’s immigration status, requesting proper documentation.
4. References: Always check personal and professional references when screening personal caregivers and verify how long the candidate worked for each reference. Ask former employers for a detailed and overall impression, paying attention to outright complaints as well as to any hesitancies in responding to questions, which could indicate a red flag. If you are an Orthodox Jewish family, this is also a good time to inquire about the candidate’s midos, character, and ability to serve as a good companion or role model for your loved ones.
5. Abuse: When turning to outside help in caring for a family member, some uncomfortable questions need to be asked to ensure safety. Be confident as you ask a potential caregiver if he or she has ever been associated with, accused of, or has witnessed child abuse. Gauge their reaction and ask if they would justify specific behaviors you deem abusive. Be confident in your questioning, demonstrating your commitment to your loved ones, your awareness and your knowledge. Note that both teens and adults and both Frum and non-Frum individuals can be perpetrators of abuse, so follow these tips regardless of the candidate’s background.
6. Safety Rules/Boundaries: Be clear about your family rules for safety, ensuring that your child or senior knows the rules as well. This includes boundaries and guidelines regarding:

• Personal care
• Physical boundaries – i.e. touching, hugging, kissing, massaging, horseplay, tickling, walking in when your child/senior is in the bathroom, knocking before entering, and other possible invasions of personal space or privacy
• Religious traditions

7. Employment Terms/Responsibilities: Spell out – in writing or in a contract – what caregiver duties are involved, including:

• Hours/Schedule
• Duties (i.e. babysitting, pick up from school, cooking meals, bathing, nursing duties, running errands, etc.)
• Vacation/Days off
• Meals
• Salary
• Benefits
• Performance reviews
• Transportation (i.e. compensation for bus fare/gas, permission to use family vehicle)
• Confidentiality and discretion terms
• Termination and severance

8. Unscheduled Visits: It is important to continue to monitor a caregiver’s activities after they have been hired, perhaps by way of an unscheduled visit or unexpected ‘drop by’ by a neighbor or friend. Observe your family member’s reaction during and after time spent with a service provider, noticing if they appear happy and at ease or agitated and uncomfortable.
9. Backup Caregiver: It’s a good idea to have an already interviewed and screened referral on hand in case of need. Keep a list of backup caregivers handy in case your regular caregiver becomes ill or is unable to work.
10. Include family members in the decision process: It is crucial to prepare your child or senior in advance of hiring in home care. Where applicable, include them in the decision-making process or consider a trial period during which both your family member and the caregiver can get to know and evaluate one another.

Schedule Quality Time with Your Family Member

While your busy life or the taxing needs of your loved one may have led you to hiring in home help, do not forget to take time out of your busy schedule to spend with your child, teen, or elderly parent or grandparent. The Torah itself recognizes the special bond between mothers and their children and specifies life lessons a Jewish father is required to impart to his children. Similarly, Judaism places great value on respect for the elders and their life wisdom.

Hiring a Caregiver: Trust Your Gut Instinct

Once you have done due-diligence, conducted the interview, run the necessary background checks and called references, pay attention to your gut instincts. If you sense a red flag or you feel uncomfortable in any way, trust your gut and do not ignore the warning signs. In home or out of home, nothing is more important than keeping your family members safe.

Caregiver Bonus Tip

Hiring a caregiver can be both stressful and emotional, so do not hesitate to consult with family, friends, your Rabbi, and local resources such as Jewish senior care or child care experts in your community.

Good Luck!

The post Hiring In Home Help appeared first on Frum Care.